Finding Ashlynn Read online

  She leaned forward, enough to almost reach Jenna’s ear, and said, “You wanna get out of here?”

  “I would be abandoning Stella if I did.”

  “I don’t mind,” Stella said, and both Jenna and Ash looked shocked that she’d heard them. “Seriously, go. I’m probably going to go out anyway.”

  “You sure?” Jenna asked.

  “Positive. You loveys have a great night, ’kay?”

  Jenna popped up from the floor and kissed Stella’s cheek. Stella kissed her back.

  When they crossed the threshold, out of the meeting room and into the hall, Ash reached for Jenna’s hand again. She couldn’t help herself. Holding Jenna’s hand felt so right—palms pressed together, fingers intertwined. Jenna belonged by her side, and the more time she spent with Jenna, the more she realized she never wanted anything to change.

  Chapter Twelve

  WHEN they pulled up to Jenna’s house, her parents’ car wasn’t in the driveway as usual. They’d mentioned possibly having a date night, but it wasn’t set in stone or anything. Apparently, they’d decided to take that long-needed time away from the house together. Fine by Jenna. The house being empty gave her the time she wanted to spend with Ash, the kind of time that would’ve been embarrassing had her parents walked in on it.

  The quality time she desired wasn’t about sex, but rather getting to know each other intimately without compromising Jenna’s virtue. She wanted to touch Ash, kiss her, and hold her, maybe get another glimpse of her body, but if the latter didn’t happen, Jenna would still be okay with any time she could get.

  She led Ash up the stairs and to her bedroom, then closed the door behind them. Ash went straight to the bed and sat down on the edge, legs dangling over the mattress. In the dim light of the room, Ash didn’t look as pale as she had before, and the faint purple highlights fading from her hair were almost nonexistent now. The bags around her eyes from being sick, however, were accentuated in a crude way, but Ash still looked as beautiful as she had the first day Jenna laid eyes on her.

  “So, um… we could watch a movie or something,” Jenna said as she stepped up to Ash.

  The or something was what she really wanted to do. She wanted to have her hands on Ash’s skin, wanted to feel Ash’s warmth against her fingers as she explored Ash’s body. It was the first time Jenna had ever wanted something like that with anyone, and though it might’ve frightened her before, it didn’t this time.

  “Do you really want to watch a movie?” Ash asked.

  “No,” Jenna whispered.

  “I didn’t think so.”

  Biting her bottom lip, Jenna stared down at Ash with curious, hooded eyes. She could feel the weight in her heavy lids, could feel the heat in her face, and that increasingly present warmth fizzling up through the center of her being. Those feelings always seemed to make an appearance every time Ash was near.

  Ash reached up with both hands and slid her fingers under Jenna’s shirt. This time, Jenna didn’t stop her. This time, Jenna wanted to learn from the girl who had a little more experience than she did. She wanted to know what being touched so intimately felt like, even if they didn’t end up going all the way.

  “Are you okay with this?” Ash asked, still slipping her fingers up higher and higher.

  Jenna nodded a little too quickly. She could already feel her mouth beginning to dry and the nervous tremble of her hands. “Yeah, I’m okay with it,” she said in a hushed voice.

  “Are you sure? I can stop.”

  “I’ll tell you when it’s too much.”

  “Okay then.”

  As Ash started easing Jenna’s shirt up, Jenna shimmied out of her hoodie. She let it fall to the floor without so much as a thought, and Ash stood up to pull the shirt over Jenna’s head, then tossed it down to the floor to join the pile of pink hoodie behind her.

  Jenna suddenly became overly aware of her partial nudity by the feel of the air brushing over her skin and the feel of Ash’s hands on her hips. She hugged her torso low enough to cover her bare stomach, but not high enough to cover her pink lacy bra and the cleavage she’d never really paid attention to before.

  Being exposed like that scared her so badly her hands shook harder. Breathing was almost impossible. Tingles rippled down her spine. But something hot, startling, and sensational erupted from between her thighs and exploded in her chest. It was exciting and terrifying and curious and….

  “You’re beautiful,” Ash said as she ran the top of her forefinger over one of Jenna’s partially covered breasts.

  “I’m scared,” Jenna breathlessly admitted.

  “Don’t be, okay? I’m not going to do anything you don’t want to do, and I swear to God, I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “I know you won’t, but aren’t you scared?”

  “A little.” Ash shrugged. “I haven’t been with a girl before, not like this.” She slowly turned Jenna toward the bed and eased her down to the mattress. “But I want to. I want you to be the first.”

  Jenna lay down and scooted back far enough for Ash to join her. Ash climbed up and knelt between her legs, but she didn’t immediately lower herself to Jenna’s body. She reached down, arms crossing, and slowly lifted her shirt away, keeping her gaze on Jenna. There was a not-so-innocent desire in Ash’s eyes, and the weight of that hungry stare stole the breath from Jenna’s body.

  She wanted to give in to temptation so badly. Jenna wanted to strip away the rest of her clothes and let Ash have her way with her well-guarded virtue, but what would that leave them with? After sex—sex without love—where would their relationship go? Would Jenna be discarded for giving in so easily? Would Ash still be interested enough to keep her around?

  Ash leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss right over Jenna’s sternum. The soft moistness of her lips against Jenna’s skin made her shiver. It made those excited little butterflies in her stomach start flittering.

  “Is this okay for you?” Ash whispered, kissing her way toward Jenna’s lips—first at the hollow of her throat, then along the side of her neck, the edge of her jaw, and finally their mouths connected.

  Of course this was okay. She liked the way their breasts pressed together, even if padded bras kept their skin from touching, even if their jeans kept their privates from being exposed to each other. What they had right now, what they were doing with each other, was perfect for now. Perfect because it left so much to the imagination and saved Jenna’s most precious gift for the person she would one day fall in love with. Maybe that person would be Ash. Maybe not. But for right now, this was all she wanted, and she wanted it with Ash.

  Jenna moaned her approval into the kiss the moment Ash tucked her arms around Jenna’s body. They held each other like that—half naked in a warm embrace with their lips locked together—for a long while before Ash lifted up and said, “Maybe we should stop.”

  But God help her, Jenna didn’t want to. She wanted to keep going, going until she gave up everything for Ash simply because it felt like the right thing to do. Instead of giving into her temptation though, she agreed… because it was the right thing to do.

  “Maybe we should get some sleep,” she suggested.

  “Sounds like a plan to me.”

  “You can borrow more sleep pants.”

  “Or we could sleep like this.”

  “Ash, my parents….”

  With an obvious sigh, exaggerated most likely for Jenna’s benefit, Ash pushed up from the bed. She went straight to the dresser drawer where Jenna’s sleep pants would be and pulled out two pairs. She tossed the bright purple ones to Jenna. Her deliberate and focused movement, along with that sigh of exasperation, meant Ash wasn’t happy. Clearly. Neither was Jenna. She wanted everything Ash did; she just had a little more control over her desires.

  “You understand why things are the way they are, right?” Please say yes. Please say yes. Understand why I can’t have sex with you. Please.

  “Of course I do,” Ash said as she dropped her pa
nts in the middle of the floor. She stood there mostly naked, pale skin and bright red underwear with matching bra, talking as if it were no big deal. “Honestly, I respect you because of it. I just….” She climbed into the sleep pants one foot at a time, then grabbed her shirt from the floor and pulled it over her head. “I really want to be with you. Ya know?”

  “Boy, do I,” Jenna said.

  “I can wait until the time is right,” Ash continued as though she hadn’t heard what Jenna said. “Waiting will make it special.” She bent over and picked Jenna’s shirt up from the floor on her way back to the bed. “Waiting will make it more meaningful.” Ash guided Jenna’s arms upward, then pulled the shirt down over her body. “And that’s what I want from this… something special and something meaningful.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  All those sweet, perfect words Ash said to Jenna, she meant every single one of them, but those flowery words didn’t do a damn thing for the feelings she had. No, she wanted Jenna in the worst possible way, even though she honestly had no clue how she would do the deed once they got to that point, if they got to that point. The only sex she’d ever had had been with a guy, and he’d done all the work. So while she played her silly seductive game and pretended to know what she was doing, she felt so lost and scared on the inside, probably just as scared as Jenna.

  She watched as Jenna pulled her jeans down and kicked them across the room, watched as the girl who knew how to take her breath away climbed into the sleep pants Ash had handed her, watched as those beautiful thighs and colorful panties disappeared from her sight. Then Ash watched as that same intelligent, intoxicating girl climbed into bed and curled around her pillow, just like she had the first night they’d been together.

  Ash wanted to be her pillow.

  Ash wanted to feel Jenna snuggle against her.

  Ash wanted….

  “You look like you’re deep in thought,” Jenna said, derailing that train fast. “Is everything okay? I mean, this wasn’t disappointing to you, was it?”

  With a soft smile, Ash climbed into the bed beside her and curled toward Jenna, sharing the edge of her pillow. She was close enough to smell Jenna’s flowery perfume, close enough to hear the subtle sound of her breathing, close enough to kiss those wonderfully soft lips.

  Ash swallowed. “No, I’m not disappointed. I mean, I am, but I’m not.” She frowned. “Does that even make any sense?”

  “Yeah,” Jenna said with a hint of laughter. “It makes perfect sense.”

  “Don’t feel pressured, ’kay? Don’t take my disappointment as a bad thing. It’s not, I swear. I just… wanna be with you, ya know? So don’t, like… freak or whatever. I’m here and I don’t want anyone else.” God, the rambling again.

  Jenna didn’t respond, not with words, anyway. She only smiled and rolled a bit closer, curling against Ash’s chest. Her dark eyes met Ash’s stare for the briefest moment before her lids fluttered and her long brown lashes licked against her cheek. She looked so tired, and Ash couldn’t blame her. Jenna must’ve had a hell of a day after the way Ash had hung up on her last night.

  “Tomorrow,” Jenna said, “will you stay and have breakfast with my parents?”

  “If you want me to, sure.”

  “I want you to.”

  “Will you come to see my band practice?”

  “Absolutely. I would love to see you play.”

  “So it’s a date, then?”

  “Yeah, it’s a date,” Jenna said with wide grin.

  Ash kissed her forehead and hugged her tight. She said, “Get some sleep. You need it.”

  But Jenna’s eyes were closed before those words left Ash’s lips. Ash listened to Jenna’s breathing, watched the way her chest rose and fell, and Ash couldn’t have been happier to be there, holding such a tender, loving girl in her arms. It sort of felt like a miracle, all things considered.

  At one point, Ash had honestly believed she wasn’t going to find that special someone. She didn’t think there was anyone out there who could possibly be the “everything” she wanted in a significant other. At one point, she didn’t know if the person who would end up stealing her heart would be a boy or girl, but as she lay in the bed with the most incredible girl in the world beside her, she knew this was right. She knew beyond a shadow of doubt, Jenna was the one. If not forever, then for right now.

  That last thought faded into dreams Ash didn’t remember having once the sun spilled into Jenna’s bedroom. She felt the bed shift, then felt the warmth she’d been curled around all night pull away from her. The absence of that warmth left behind a bitter cold intrusion, and Ash dipped deeper under the covers to save herself the agony.

  “Are you waking up?” Jenna asked from somewhere across the room.

  Ash peeked out from the edge of the bed. “Do I have to?”

  “Don’t you smell the bacon?”

  “I smell….” Ash took a deep breath. “I smell myself. I need a shower.”

  Jenna laughed. “You smelled fine to me.”

  “I don’t think you were smelling me. That had to be your perfume.”

  Sitting up in the bed, the covers tumbled down Ash’s body. She stretched and yawned, then groaned and curled back into herself. She scrubbed her fingers through her knotted, sleep-tousled hair.

  “You’re staying for breakfast, right?” Jenna asked.

  “Yeah, but I gotta bail right after so I can shower and change for practice. You’re still coming, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “Jenna,” Jenna’s mom called from outside the bedroom door.

  The sound of her voice made Ash’s heart stop for a second. They were so totally busted for… for what? What had they done that was so improper and impure it warranted being in trouble? Nothing. Abso-freakin’-lutely nothing. They’d pretty much behaved like angels last night, well… almost like angels. There were those few minutes of naked time on the bed, but nothing happened. Jenna still had her virtue as far as Ash knew.

  “Come on,” Jenna said, grabbing Ash’s hand. She pulled Ash with enough force to get her to her feet. Ash groaned and whimpered and tried to get back to the bed. “She’ll get upset if we don’t come down to eat.”

  Magic words. “Yeah. No. Let’s not upset your mom.”

  They kept their hands locked together as they climbed down the stairs. Jenna led Ash through an obnoxiously huge living room and into an equally huge kitchen. The two rooms combined were bigger than Ash’s apartment, and she tried to keep her eyes from popping out of her skull as she took it all in.

  “Did you two sleep well?” Jenna’s mom asked.

  Ash quickly pulled her hand away before the woman looked up and caught them being a little more than friendly with their fingers.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Jenna answered, though she was frowning at Ash.

  “What about you, Ashlynn? Did you sleep well? Do you feel better?”

  Ash blinked a few times. Obviously Jenna had talked about her when she wasn’t around, and the thought of the girl she adored so much having conversation with the parentals did something for Ash’s heart. It made her warm on the inside and warm in her cheeks. She bit her lip for a moment before giving a nervous reply.

  “Oh, um… yes, ma’am.”

  “That’s great. You two have a seat at the table. Your father should be down in a second.”

  Jenna pulled one of the six chairs out from the overly elegant kitchen table and nodded for Ash to sit down. Ash did without question, assuming they had regular seats they sat in and Jenna was just doing her a favor. Then Jenna went back to grab a pitcher of milk and a carafe of OJ from the fridge while her mom set out the breakfast spread—biscuits, bacon, eggs, hash-browns, and something that looked like homemade jelly. It was more food than Ash had seen in a very, very long time and, as the different smells wafted up and filled her nose, her mouth started to water and her stomach started to growl. But she didn’t immediately dig in like normal. Ash didn’t know if Jenna’s family was
the type to say a prayer before stuffing their faces, and the last thing she wanted to do was disrespect her prospective girlfriend’s family.

  Heavy footfalls slapped against the floor behind them. Ash couldn’t help turning around, even though she knew she would find Jenna’s very large father walking into the room. She spun around in time to catch Jenna leaning up to kiss her daddy’s cheek. He smiled and gave her a hug before joining Ash at the table. Ash tried not to stare.

  “Ashlynn, right?” Jenna’s father asked.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Glad you could join us for breakfast,” he said.

  “Thank you for having me.” Remember your manners.

  “You plan on eating that?” He nodded toward the pile of food in front of her.

  When he picked up his fork and dug in, Ash silently said her thanks and followed his lead. She didn’t do well with breakfast table prayers, or prayers at all, for that matter. A bad experience at church as a child sort of put her off the idea of praying to any sort of god ever again.

  By the end of breakfast, she realized she adored Jenna’s parents almost as much as she adored Jenna. They were both smart and funny and extremely loving. They accepted their daughter without question and seemed to love her unconditionally. What wasn’t to love about Jenna, though?

  Before Ash knew it, noon was fast approaching, and practice started at three. She hated to say good-bye but really had no choice if she wanted to get to the garage on time. Jenna walked her out to her car, and she stole one last kiss and promised Jenna they would see each other again, then she tore out of there and headed home with the lingering taste of Jenna’s sweet kiss still on her lips.

  Chapter Fourteen

  HALF past three, and Jenna still hadn’t heard from Ash. She tried like hell not to worry, but she couldn’t help herself. At this point, she thought she wouldn’t hear from the girl she only wanted to spend, like… every single waking freaking moment with.