Finding Ashlynn Read online

  She held her phone in one hand, worried her bottom lip with the other, and paced back and forth across the expanse of her bedroom—from the bookshelf to the bed, from the bed to the desk, then back again. Her happy little world felt like it was slowly crumbling away.

  The sound of her phone chiming startled her so badly, not only did she jump, but the phone fell from her hand. Exhaling sharply, she bent down to pick it up, and when she looked at the screen, she had a new message from Ash. It was the address of the place where she was supposed to meet Ash for band practice.

  The wave of relief that hit her wasn’t like anything she’d ever experienced. She’d never worried about something so much before, never had that nail-biting, waiting for word, heart-stopping moment where everything in the world hung from a tightly pulled string and one gentle pluck had the potential to ruin it all. Sure, the world wouldn’t have truly ended had Ash not texted her, but that’s how it felt right now. And that’s when Jenna realized how badly she’d fallen for Ash.

  On her way out the front door, she sent back a text saying she was on the way and would be there within twenty minutes. Ash didn’t respond, but she didn’t need to.

  The entire drive over to Ash’s practice space, Jenna processed the truth about her feelings for the purple-haired punky bass player who’d waltzed into her world about three weeks ago, who never left despite them being worlds apart. It seemed so damn ridiculous and so freaking immature to have feelings for someone so fast, but Jenna couldn’t help herself. She’d had that moment where time froze and nothing around her existed because the other part of her soul had walked into the room, and Jenna had recognized it immediately. It was that love at first sight fairytale crap that—until this point—Jenna didn’t really believe in. She’d hoped, but never really had faith that such a thing actually existed.

  The GPS on her phone chirped, saying her destination was on the right. She saw Ash’s little car with all the stickers littering the back window. Jenna didn’t know what half that stuff meant but thought them cute nonetheless, simply because they were such a big representation of everything Ash.

  Music poured out of the little house. It sounded like it was coming from inside the attached garage, but Jenna couldn’t be certain. So instead of assuming, she stood in the driveway and sent a text to Ash saying she’d arrived.

  It only took a few minutes before the music died down and the side door cracked open. Ash stepped out into the sunlight, face glistening with sweat, hair plastered to her face. She still looked beautiful, as gorgeous as Jenna had ever seen her. And the smile on Ash’s face shone as bright as the full afternoon sun beaming down from the sky.

  “Hey,” Ash said as she approached. She didn’t hesitate, stepping right up to Jenna and planting her lips over hers.

  For Jenna, kissing Ash felt as natural as breathing. It was comfortable and she welcomed the touch of Ash’s mouth, welcomed that sincere, intimate moment with everything she was. Jenna became so lost in the kiss, she hooked her fingers on the belt loops of Ash’s jeans and pulled her closer—forgetting there could be anyone to witness their more-than-friendly moment, forgetting Ash hadn’t come out to anyone, and that little rendezvous beneath the sun would totally give her away.

  With a gasp, Jenna pulled away and quickly looked around. There was no one there. She hadn’t outed anyone. Ash’s secret was still safe, and the world could continue to spin on its axis.

  “What’s wrong?” Ash asked. A frown contorted her beautiful features.

  “I didn’t want you to get caught,” Jenna breathlessly admitted as she wiped the kiss from her lips.

  “It’s okay out here. The band knows. Robbie, the singer, was the first person I came out to. She’s the one who told me about the group.”

  “So I guess I should thank her, then?” Jenna smirked.

  “Depends on how this thing between us goes, I suppose.”

  “How would you define this ‘thing’ between us?”

  “I don’t know. How would you define it?” Ash countered as she leaned against the trunk of her little red beater.

  Jenna took a step forward, closing the hint of distance between them. She pressed against Ash, hooked her fingers on her belt loops again, and leaned up to Ash’s ear. She whispered, “I want to call you my girlfriend. Is it too soon for that?”

  Ash finally said, “I want to be your girlfriend.”

  When Ash spoke, Jenna felt her warm breath caress the side of her neck. Jenna’s lips dried and her eyes closed. Her heart skipped a beat.

  Ash’s hands splayed over the small of her back, pulling Jenna so tight against her body their breasts pressed together through layers of T-shirts and padded bras. Jenna could pretend all that cloth wasn’t there. She could pretend they were back in her bed with no clothes keeping them apart, feeling the warmth of Ash’s flesh against hers. The thought stole the breath from Jenna’s body.

  A chorus of whistles and catcalls finally mercilessly shoved them back into reality. Jenna immediately pulled away, tugging at her clothes just in case her fantasies had somehow wrestled them out of place. She nervously tucked ringlets of hair behind her ear as Ash shot a glance over her shoulder.

  The three women standing by the garage door had the same punky style Ash did, but none of them were as cute as her new girlfriend. The one in the front of the group had spiky platinum hair and metal jewelry hanging from her face, tattoos down both arms, and combat boots up to her calves. She might’ve been pretty if she hadn’t been trying to look so brutal.

  “Who’s this, Pookie?” she asked. Jenna assumed she was talking to Ash. “This the girl you’ve been crushing on?”

  Ash’s cheeks turned an amazing shade of bright pink. She covered her face with both hands and shook her head. “Thanks, Robbie,” she said flatly before unmasking her blushing, completely embarrassed expression. “Jenna”—she thumbed over her shoulder—“that’s my singer.” She looked back at her band and said, “Guys, this is Jenna. Be nice, ’kay?”

  Robbie stepped up first, holding her hand out for Jenna. “Nice to finally meetcha. Ash is a good one. You take care of her, ’kay?”

  “Of course,” Jenna said as she released Robbie’s hand. “That’s my intention.”

  “Good to hear.”

  The other girls proceeded to introduce themselves. None of them made a huge first impression like Robbie did, and before they even stepped into the garage, Jenna had already forgotten their names.

  Inside the garage, multicolored lights filled every corner. They’d replaced the bulbs in the fixtures with red, green, and blue party lights. Posters of gorgeous women—some on cars, some in bands—decorated the walls. Instruments and equipment filled the tight space. Jenna recognized the drums and the guitars, but didn’t know what anything else was. A single chair had been set up at the front of the room, in front of the entire band.

  With their hands locked together, Ash guided Jenna to the chair and said, “Sit back and enjoy.” She gave Jenna a wink, then strapped her bass to her body.

  “Count it off, babe,” Robbie said.

  The drummer clicked her sticks together, counting, “One, two, three, four.”

  The rest of the band started to play and the sound was so loud at first, Jenna thought she might go deaf. The rhythm was faster than anything Jenna had ever heard before. Admittedly, the music wasn’t her style. She liked a much mellower sound, something with distinguishable lyrics and pretty harmonies, maybe something she could dance to. But seeing Ash play her instrument did something for her. It turned her on and excited her. Before long, the music wasn’t so loud and indiscernible, and Ash was a goddess on earth.

  Jenna’s new girlfriend bounced up and down as she effortlessly ran her fingers over the strings. Her head bobbed in time with the music, and the smile on her face was absolutely contagious. Ash’s excitement and happiness radiated in everything she did, and it filled Jenna with a joy all her own. Jenna felt more than honored to be a part of the one thing that seeme
d to make Ash forget about the troubles of her everyday life.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “SO what did you think?” Ash asked as she walked Jenna out to her car. She swiped her arm across her forehead and pulled back an embarrassing amount of sweat. Girls weren’t supposed to perspire like that.

  “I loved it,” Jenna said with a wildly huge smile. “You were so amazing. I had no idea.”

  “Thanks. I’ve, um… been playing bass for, like… three years now.”

  “It shows.”

  For whatever reason, the compliment from Jenna meant a hell of a lot more than any of the “great shows” or “good jobs” Ash had ever gotten before, save for a few short-breath compliments from her daddy on the way out the door. With Jenna telling Ash how much she loved watching her play, she felt as if she’d done something huge. Monumental, even.

  Jenna aimed the un-locker thingy at her car and hit the button. The headlights blinked and the locks clicked, but Jenna didn’t jump right in and take off. In fact, she sort of looked as if she didn’t want to leave. Honestly, Ash didn’t want her to leave either.

  “What are you doing tonight?” Ash quickly asked.

  “I, um… don’t know. I was thinking about calling Stella. We haven’t hung out in a while.”

  “Oh,” Ash said. She was pretty sure she couldn’t hide the disappointment she felt. She didn’t want to spend an evening away from Jenna, especially now that she considered Jenna her girlfriend. “What if I got Robbie to go out and you get Stella to go out? We could all hang together. Then I could still see you and you could still see your friend.”

  “I really like that idea. You think Robbie would do it?”

  “For a chick as hot as Stella? Hells yes!”

  Jenna laughed. “I guess I can call her.”

  “You do that. I’ll holla at Robbie.” She stole a quick kiss before tearing off into the band room.

  Funny, she didn’t think about it until she no longer had Jenna beside her, but this whole kissing when they first saw each other and kissing before parting ways business seemed like it was starting to become a little routine. It was weird. Ash never saw herself being that kind of girlfriend. She never thought she would be the clingy type who always wanted to kiss and hug and hold hands, the type who had to be up her partner’s ass twenty-four seven. Sure as she lived and breathed, though, she could see herself turning into that kind of girl… and she liked it. She just hoped Jenna liked it too.

  Inside the garage, Ash found Robbie on her cell phone. She didn’t look happy at all. Her singer always worried with her eyebrow ring whenever she got in a mood and was trying to contain herself. Whoever she had on the phone didn’t sound happy either and loudly expressed just how displeased she was with whatever they’d been talking about before Ash walked through the door.

  “I gotta go,” Robbie said and immediately hung up the phone. She looked over at Ash and said, “What’s up?”

  “I, um… was gonna ask if you wanted to go out with Jenna and her friend, but—”

  “Yes,” Robbie blurted, yanking her leather jacket off the amp it had been slung over.

  Robbie started to storm out of the room when Ash grabbed her wrist and all but wrenched her back. Robbie gave her a bone-chilling glare, and Ash promptly let go of her.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Ash asked.

  “Nothin’,” Robbie bit back.

  “Don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. Clearly, something is.”

  “Well, let’s just say I’m single again and leave it at that.”

  She let Robbie walk out of the garage without saying anything else. With that little blast of news, the night could turn volatile, and that’s the last thing Ash wanted. She wanted Jenna to like her friends as much as she liked Jenna’s. So, if everything worked out the way Ash hoped, Robbie and Stella would hit it off, and Ash could spend time with her new girlfriend.

  She looked up at the ceiling, clamped her hands together, and said a silent prayer to whoever or whatever might be listening.

  When Ash left the band room, she found Robbie and Jenna in the driveway. They were talking like they’d been friends forever. From the sound of it, they were talking about Stella, but the moment Jenna’s eyes met hers, the conversation stopped. The grin on Jenna’s face softened into an adoring smile, and the sight elicited the same loving smile in Ash.

  She took her rightful place next to her girlfriend and immediately reached down and wrapped her hand around Jenna’s. “So what’s happening?” she asked, gaze shifting back and forth between her singer and the girl of her dreams.

  “Stella is meeting us at Riley’s Diner on Park. Since we’re too young to go clubbing, she’s going to stop and do the food and coffee thing with us.”

  “Hmm… might have to get her to go dancing with me after,” Robbie said, and the most wicked expression Ash had ever seen from her washed over her face.

  “You don’t even know her,” Ash said.

  Robbie shrugged. “So, isn’t that why people go out… to get to know each other?”

  “Dude,” Ash said. “Just be cool, ’kay?”

  “There’s a place we could go dancing,” Jenna said. “It’s all-ages until midnight on Saturday. You guys wanna go?”

  Robbie and Ash exchanged a quick glance, and in perfect unison, they both said, “Sure.”

  “I can drive, if you want me to.”

  “Hell yeah,” Robbie said. “Your ride looks a lot better than Ash’s death trap.”

  Ash rolled her eyes.

  They climbed into Jenna’s sporty silver import with Robbie sprawled out on the backseat and Ash riding shotgun. She immediately reached for Jenna’s iPod and started sorting through the pop crap, through the patchouli-wearing, coffee-drinking, whiny indie music, through the few country songs and the….

  Wait, that’s the end? Nooo!

  “Baby, you got anything else?” Ash asked.

  Jenna laughed and shook her head. “I don’t listen to the stuff you play, not usually, anyway. I mean, I liked it, but it’s not my norm.”

  With a sigh, Ash slipped the iPod back into the little console thing. Jenna watched nervously, as if she didn’t want Ash disappointed in her taste in music. Ash wasn’t, but man oh man, Jenna had some serious schoolin’ coming to her and soon.

  “We don’t need music,” Jenna offered. “I mean, we could talk.”

  Cackling erupted from the backseat. “Talk? Seriously?” Robbie laughed harder. “My ex-girlfriend says I have communication problems. I need music.”

  Jenna looked over at Ash, brow quirked, eyes questioning. Ash just shook her head, giving Jenna an I’ll-tell-you-later look.

  Chapter Sixteen

  RILEY’S DINER was way too crowded for any real conversation, so immediately after sodas and fries, the girls decided to bail. Not that the club would offer any more peace and quiet, but at least at the club they could have a little fun.

  They made a pit stop at the Java Shop for mochas, and so Stella could check her look. Stella had to be the most perfectly feminine woman Jenna had ever met, and yet, technically she wasn’t a woman at all. Unless one looked really, really close, they would never be able to tell. Stella had long, silky blonde hair and high cheeks and plump lips. She had a grace to her no woman Jenna knew had—except for Jenna’s mom, anyway. Stella was the perfect woman, but sadly, she wasn’t allowed to be who she was truly meant to be.

  Jenna leaned against the wall, watching as Stella examined her hair and makeup, completely enthralled at how devastatingly beautiful her best friend was. Stella wore a long, slinky black dress that swished around her slender legs when she walked. A shimmering black scarf knotted at her throat hid her Adam’s apple. Stella wanted to have surgery, but the problem was, her parents didn’t know about Stella’s true self. Now that she was eighteen, Jenna wondered when Stella would say screw her parents and start the process anyway.

  “What’s going on inside that enormous brain of yours?” Stella asked.

>   “Nothing much,” Jenna admitted.

  “You have that lovesick grin on your face, baby girl.”

  “I think I’m in love, or at the very least, falling in love.”

  “It shows. The way you look at Ash… sweetie”—Stella whirled around and leaned against the sink—“I wish someone would look at me like that.”

  “Seems like Robbie’s interested.”

  Stella pulled her plump pink lip between her teeth. She tucked a long blonde lock behind her ear, and Jenna would’ve sworn she saw a little rosy blush fill her best friend’s cheeks. But when Stella turned back to face the mirror, that sparkle-eyed smile quickly faded. She dusted a little powder over her cheeks, then dropped the brush back in her makeup bag and tucked the bag away in her designer purse. Pasting on a clearly fake smile, she turned back to Jenna and said, “I’m ready.”

  Her heels clicked against the tiles as she sauntered out of the bathroom and back into the coffee shop, where Jenna and Stella found Ash and Robbie talking at the bar. Her girlfriend and Ash’s bandmate looked to be in deep conversation. Jenna recognized the passion in Ash’s words by the way she waved her hands around in the air, by the smile on her face and the narrowing of her eyes. Jenna didn’t know what they were talking about, but God if she didn’t want to.

  The second Ash’s gaze met Jenna’s, she leaned back and sat straight up on the stool. Ash spun around, then stood to greet Jenna, arms spread wide as if she wanted Jenna to step into a hug. The way Ash had become so open in public made Jenna’s heart soar. She loved her girlfriend’s newfound pride.

  When Jenna stepped up to her, Ash pulled her into a hug. Her embrace made Jenna all warm and fuzzy inside, just like she felt last night when she’d slept so close to Ash. She’d never reacted to anyone like that before, and it was becoming undeniably clear just how much she loved that punky little cutie-pie.

  She kissed Ash’s cheek, then looked at the two girls beside them. Robbie and Stella were both watching. Stella had the kind of expression girls got on their face when the romantic comedy they were watching got to the really sappy “Aww” moment. Robbie looked amused, as if she’d seen this coming long before anyone else and being right totally gave her ego a good swift kick.